Nothing.

Date: April 21st, 2018, 01:12 am

There’s nothing I can do, it’s here to stay. I’m tied to it, chained. And I will remain here, soulless, for eternities to pass.
The endless struggle of trying to fucking speak up without ever being able to make any contact, I’m restless. And everyday just passes. I am an eternal struggle. An ongoing battle, a inward spiral. I bleed and I melt and I can’t feel my heart. I can’t feel anything. All I do is sit here, and sedate.

I want someone to talk to.  Someone who understands. But everything gets destroyed by this storm that rages over ever so often, and then I’m left with nothing but ruins – I try to pick up the debris and fix things up but never to any success. And I am left with guilt and shame. Why am I like this?

It has come too far and it’s here to stay. I am so outside of it all. Not even bothered by coherence. I’m just trying to speak – with the illusion of someone that listens, because no one actually does. In the end it’s just me talking to walls. Lying around on wooden floors and staring at ceilings. I am nothing – literally nothing. Nothing in the purest form of the word.

And to others, I’d be a burden, a leech and a chore. Because what do I have to offer? Literally nothing. Everything is dead and destroyed. Why am I still around? I can’t fucking talk to walls anymore.